Michael Porter vs Madison Pettis
- Your friends like sports. Do you
a. Go to the game and win it
b. Star in a movie about one
2. Do you know Madison Pettis?
a. Um, no thanks
3. Did you even watch Cory in the House?
a. No, I like basketball
- Cash me out football
a. How bout da
b.This is not relevant
5. Your teacher tells you to read a book for class. You
a. Don’t read the book, you’re homeschooled, duh.
b. School? I was in a movie once
- Your parents tell you the family is moving back to Missouri. How do you react?
a. Throw your $1200 basketball at them while in the airport security line
b. Yell “I can do whatever I want! I was in a movie you know!”
- Where you in a movie?
a. Ya, coach has us watch film all the time
b. Remember Dwayne the Rock Johnson? This is him now. Feel old yet?
- You can use my legs as 0.4mm lead for my mechanical pencils
a. How did you know?
b. No, mine are 0.6mm
- Are you verified on various forms of social media?
- Do you eat sandwiches?
a. Ya, but only at RHS basketball games
b. Ya, on my private jet to see my boyfriend play basketball
Congrats! You’re a basketball star! You always #stayhumble and make sure that everyone knows that yes, you play basketball. Also, you’re dating that girl from The Game Plan. So, big plus. Be careful though, you never know when you’ll have to move back to your home state of Missouri. Here at the Roosevelt News, we suggest keeping an extra suitcase on hand with only your best trophies in it. Problem solved! For now, enjoy playing sports and just remember, this is your peak!
Wow, you’ve had quite the life! You risked it for the biscuit, and guess what? You got it! Be careful though, immense fame comes with a price. Lots of high school basketball games. You’re probably a kind human being. Ask Dwayne to officiate your wedding. Knowing him, he’ll probably say yes. We wish you the best and remember, long distance is hard, but I’m sure you’ll make it work.